When I’m blogging away, drawing weird cartoons and giggling at my own jokes I’m in my happy place. A place where I’m not under any pressure to perform as a functional adult and can spend the majority of my time in my pyjamas, eating peanut butter on toast and not bothering to brush my hair. The fact that a few of you out there have chosen to bookmark, follow and / or subscribe to my tiny little blog genuinely makes me feel like my heart will explode with joy at any moment. Every time I see the follower ticker go up by one or two I let out a little “Squee!” of delight. You can ask Mr Maybe if you don’t beleive me. He has been witness to many a “Squee!”
I recently decided that The Mottled Macaroon was in need of a spring clean and have been setting about tweaking posts, getting rid of old widgets that I no longer need and deleting stuff that just wasn’t funny or simply didn’t work. I even checked out my stats. I don’t usually like doing this. I think peeking at your stats is probably the closest bloggers get to how celebrities feel when they Google themselves. All this expectation is built up, I convince myself that a bit of stat-peeking is a good idea – only to wind up ten seconds later huddled in a corner hugging my knees and convinced everyone hates me.
Thankfully this time I got a lovely surprise instead:
My likes were up!
And my visitor stats were already catching up with 2014! Allllll-right!
I realise that I’m not up there with bloggers armed with a 10,000 strong following, but I have to say (hand on heart) I appreciate every single deluded person who stumbles upon my little corner of the internet and decides to hang out with me.
When I started blogging this was how I felt when I published a post:
To be honest, I still feel like this and I get the general feeling I’m not alone. This is only natural. I’m still learning how to run my own website and what will stop my readers from running away screaming. For example, I discovered that you all loved my Ian McShane / Rufus Sewell post and a lot of you identified with my thoughts on facial foliage. You also liked my Ode to a Pork Scratching and the one about the time I killed a wasp with a fork. Which is great, because this is what I enjoy writing. Hurrah! Teamwork!
I’ve had some set-backs though.When I was starting out as a blogger in 2012 I had a Troll write to me from a Harvard email address. At first I was SO excited! Someone from Harvard had written to ME! MEEE!! But then I read the email. Which said they had never read a blog before and after visiting my website they never wanted to read one ever again. Harvard-Troll went on to say that my writing was terrible and they hated my blog. I was like the Keith Chegwin of the internet to this person. It was pretty fucking harsh. I felt like I should hang up my blogging hat for good right there and then. If someone from Harvard took the time to write to me with the sole purpose of telling me to please stop blogging for the sake of humanity, then I should probably stop – right?
After staring at a wall and struggling under the weight of my own self-pity for half an hour
I gave myself a reprieve long enough to shuffle dejectedly to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea. Then I decided to get a grip. What did Harvard-Troll know anyway? If George Bush was counted among the alumni then the opinion of Harvard meant didley squat to me.
Fuck you Harvard.
Yes I sometimes get things wrong and spew a bunch of verbal diarrhea – but apparently some of you appreciate that, so who cares about the haters?
Then my readership started to creep upwards slowly but surely – and I almost had a heart attack the moment I saw The Mottled Macaroon up on the list of Blogs ‘Jennsmidlifecrisis’ follows.
And you know what I realised? Having 85 WordPress bloggers following me means I’m up there on 85 blog lists! On 85 websites! Which is amazing.
I’m never going to be queen of the internet – and while it’s a travesty that you will never see me in a crown, that’s okay. I’m truly just happy to be here with you guys in this big, dysfunctional internet family of ours.
So thanks for joining me. It means a lot.