Loo review – Whistle Trego, Hastings

I was recently in Hastings for a relaxing weekend away when I happened upon a little bar down an equally little side street. It was called Whistle Trego. This was quite an eclectic bar with random bits of art installed on the wall. It was the kind of a bar that (were it in Shoreditch) … Continue reading Loo review – Whistle Trego, Hastings

Adventures of a depressed executive assistant

Dear Diary Team keeps telling me what a lovely day it is outside while I sit at my desk, inbox heaving I can smell fresh air coming from a meeting room window kept ajar. It smells like freshly cut grass and broken dreams Dear Diary Chased by a homeless man in the park today while … Continue reading Adventures of a depressed executive assistant

All you need is love (and books and chicken soup…)

Everyone in our W1 office has some form of bug, flu or plague at the moment and inevitably my time has now come to share in this unwelcome game of tag. As it's Easter, my parents have taken pity on me and insisted I visit them regardless of the projectile mucus and 'Regan'-esque Exorcist vocals … Continue reading All you need is love (and books and chicken soup…)

I found Narnia – and it was terrifying

Okay. So. As you know, I have been struggling with my health recently. I have been a bit of a pass-the-parcel patient of late. I went to the doctor, who referred me to a gyno, who sent me to have a transvaginal ultrasound. This was conducted by a kindly, older Dr (who was the spitting … Continue reading I found Narnia – and it was terrifying

Veloceraptor heels

For lent I decided that rather than develop a particularly pragmatic outlook on life and eschew things like wine, cake or day dreaming about either Johnathan Taylor Thomas or Tyler Blackburn... I would be giving up something else Heels. Well, sort of. I'm actually giving up commuting in heels. Even the low ones. There is … Continue reading Veloceraptor heels

Meeting the parents… Part 1

It was Valentines Day last week. Except - it wasn't just Valentines Day. It was also my six-year anniversary with Mr Maybe, my (long suffering) boyfriend. "Who has their first date on Valentines Day?" You might ask. Well, we did. If only to ensure that if it all worked out we would both remember exactly when Kismet first struck. Anyway … Continue reading Meeting the parents… Part 1

Cold Rush

I think the worst thing about getting a cold is that plummeting gut-feeling on discovering the carrier monkey in your life (lets call him Brian for the sake of argument) is oozing at the seams with bacteria. It's an eye-rolling sense of "Oh great" that (upon reflection) is entirely justified. Some people are capable of … Continue reading Cold Rush

Like, why are you so obsessed with me?

Okay. I am usually a very calm individual. You know, on the outside. However certain things make me incandescent with rage. And one of these things includes a person blatantly copying me. The way I see it, this is not the greatest sign of flattery. It's a lack of originality. The list of things that … Continue reading Like, why are you so obsessed with me?

Storytime: Misadventures in Hamster parenting. A cautionary tale.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am scared of hamsters. Which is slightly weird considering I adopted four of them. I didn't have a phobia before I started adopting hamsters. This is a fear that has developed and intensified with every hamster I brought home. My first ‘hamster-parenting’ experience was when I first moved to London and … Continue reading Storytime: Misadventures in Hamster parenting. A cautionary tale.

Oh shit – aka an ongoing health scare

This is a post that I have debated with myself about sharing. But then I thought, you know what, if this helps anyone else negotiating the complicated and confusing world of healthcare (or lack thereof) - I want to share my story so you feel less alone. However be warned. It involves vaginas. Over the … Continue reading Oh shit – aka an ongoing health scare

Stomach demons, Coffee edition

I have noticed that as the years have gone by I have developed a complicated relationship with coffee. This never used to be the case. I could chug it like water and it would have no effect on me. Even before bed. And when I say no effect I mean - nothing. No energy boost, … Continue reading Stomach demons, Coffee edition

So this is thirty … (two)

It was my thirty-second birthday on Wednesday. I would have posted about it... but it was tremendously low-key and spent deep cleaning my flat, doing the laundry, wallowing in the bath and binge watching Netflix while drinking large quantities of rum. Much like Captain Jack Sparrow. As you do. It's a weird feeling to enter … Continue reading So this is thirty … (two)

Well… this is awkward. AKA retrospective blogging

I don't know about any of you who may or may not have a blog of your own, but vast quantities of The Mottled Macaroon is in draft form and posted in retrospect. Generally my life is a fabulous mess swirling round on itself like microwave porridge. And despite this admittedly being a bottomless pit … Continue reading Well… this is awkward. AKA retrospective blogging

Therapy of choice? Pumpkin carving

Mr Maybe and I carved pumpkins last night. I have to admit I had been looking forward to this for quite a while. Mostly because reaching for a kitchen knife after a long, hard day in the office and proceeding to yank out a pumpkins innards - only to then additionally carve a smiling face into … Continue reading Therapy of choice? Pumpkin carving

Three fictional Characters tag

I saw this thing on Instagram that said ‘describe yourself in three fictional characters.’ People had taken screenshots of the three fictional characters that best described them as a person and reposted them in response. These are mine. One is (obviously) Bridget Jones. Unlike Bridget, I don’t smoke - and certainly won’t drink excessively unless … Continue reading Three fictional Characters tag

The art of the HURKLE DURKLE

Today I am epitomising Hurkle-Durkle. A Scottish word meaning ‘lounging around in bed when you should be up and about doing other things.’ We Brits are bereft of a Hurkle-Durkle of our very own. You’d think a man like Shakespeare would have rustled up a word to do the job but he was clearly too … Continue reading The art of the HURKLE DURKLE