I’m in a weird mood

As you can probably tell – I’m in a weird mood.

My skin has partially broken out (bad), the inland revenue gave me £4,000 for overtaxing last year (good) – and my auntie just died (heartbreaking).

There are also thunderflies everywhere, which makes any situation ten times worse.

I attended the funeral in a fabulous lace LBD fully expecting to shed a tear. Singular. One beautiful drop of sadness rolling down my cheek (a la Angelina Jolie in Mr and Mrs Smith).

I wasn’t therefore expecting to cross the threshold of the crematorium and burst into great big, ugly, heaving sobs. The kind that start from the belly button, shake the shoulders and project outwards from there like invisible emotional vomit.

As soon as I thought I had a handle on the situation someone went and said something touching or meaningful and off I went. Face scrunching up like a beauty pageant winner.

It was a nightmare.

Big sister was on hand with a mountain of balsam lined tissues and a zip lock sandwich bag into which I could dispose of them.

We ended up filling the bag between us.

It was pretty poignant.

Mut wasn’t our “real” Auntie per se, but then our “real” Auntie is a selfish asshole that we barely know. So Mut became the only Auntie Bigsister and I have ever had. She earned it.

So – that being said, today is definitely the kind of a day I need to throw on a fabulous loose jumpsuit, listen to Dinah Washington on a loop and drink a large glass of wine while staring meaningfully into the distance.

The lethargy is real and it has come for me with a vengeance.

I think I might be depressed.

Obviously the silver lining is the unexpected £4,000 which will cure a significance of financial ills.

But to be honest, I’d rather have my Auntie.

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